Self- Reflection-The Humbling Effect

Everyone I meet teaches me something about myself! Thus, I am constantly learning and learning.

Think about the following:

“There will always be someone prettier, smarter, richer, more-successful than you.” How does that sound? If you’re an overachiever, not so great. 

However, when you apply that thought across the board it is more palatable, realizing it applies to everyone else. I remember the first time I heard that statement, it was being taught at a manners class that I had enrolled my children in. I remember thinking this is so powerful. It’s a good

reminder for all of us.

A reminder to continue to invest in our self and a reminder of humility. This summer in the course of one week, I met three very sharp individuals and I continue to meet more and more sharp minds that leave me saying “Wow. Great job”. In this case, all three of them were young men, brilliant, articulate, and engaging. Interestingly they were all Palestinian-American and they all shared the name “Ahmed or Ahmad”. Ahmad Ashkar, founder and CEO of Hult Prize, which was recognized by President Bill Clinton and Time Magazine as one of the top five ideas changing the world. Next you have Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, he is Host/Producer of Huff Post Live. Previously he launched, produced and was co-host on Al Jazeera English’s award-winning, social-media show, The Stream. Then I met 23-year old Ahmad Shami, Executive Director of Farouk Systems Palestine. You need to listen to him speak about Palestinian identity. Each of these young men,

inspiring and make you proud to know them. Each of them add value to the conversation.

Now here is the lesson, I believe many people undervalue their own unique abilities, time and time again. As a leadership coach, I teach: you only grow when you are stretched and the learning process should never stop. Daily I find myself reflecting on ways I could have improved a conversation, a meeting, an interaction or a relationship. Self-awareness and self-reflection are vital for self improvement.

Some times you win and sometimes you learn. There are times when I have the satisfaction of feeling that things went great and other times when I find myself saying, “pay attention”. Leadership is about using the head and the heart. Don’t get so comfortable with your successes that it derails you from improving. One thing I appreciate so much is to find those people that are willing to share their knowledge, ideas, and expertise. Those are the people that you appreciate and want to reciprocate with. This is the meaning of “be a river not a reservoir”. Take time to share and pass good information to others. Finally on the point of humility, I am no better than you, and I am no worse.

See you next time at a Moment with Manal.

The Best In People

I was recently engaged in a conversation and was asked by a young person, "How do you bring out the best in people? How do you help the people around you be the best they can be?"

Before answering the question, I should have asked several of my own questions, to really gauge what the purpose of the question was. A good practice is to listen more and give little advice. To bring out the best in anyone, you have to be doing your best with yourself. As you can't give something you don't have.

This is a great question because it relates to one of my preferred principles that can be described as the compound effect, as well as LMT, Little Things Matter. Once again, it's so easy to ignore this because things that are easy to do are also easy not to do. You need to be intentional about what you're doing. The compound effect relates to the small, minute things that we do daily that appear insignificant, yet overtime

they create a major impact.

A quick story, during the month of Ramadan, Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset. The purpose of this practice is to develop self-discipline, engage in community, the remembrance of God, gratitude for what you have, to help others, and to practice humility. One of the sweetest things that happened last night, was this little voice and hand that woke me up with a glass of water in her hand, and said "Here, drink this glass of water before the fast begins". It was my 15 year old daughter, Laila; and that moment will be imprinted in my mind for it was such a special tender moment and quite the role reversal. A good example of bringing out the best in people. 

Through my mentorships, the first request I have is that we agree that we are intentionally going to learn new things daily, we are not just going to float through the day. Examples include reading specific books by thought leaders, attending workshops, on-line training, sharing skills, scheduling lunches with people in different professions that you can learn from, volunteering, etc.. This is the value of self improvement above

self promotion.

Back to how do you bring out the best in others, few things will pay you bigger dividends than the time and trouble you take to understand people. Simply begin with an encouraging heart, over and over again I see the beauty and power of encouraging others. It's easy to understand this as you can apply it to yourself. Are you not lifted by other's encouragement? I recently heard a phrase that said change "you should" to "I could", the lesson was: not to should on people, but rather take responsibility and change it to I could ….. The reason we don't should on people, is because it does not feel good.

Bringing out the best in others translates to adding value to others. Doing more listening and giving less advice. Trust is the foundation of leadership and is essential to all good relationships. The Best In People

Your own goal is to keep learning so that you want to change for the better everyday. As your growing, you can take others with you. What new skill are you working on now?

See you next time at a Moment with Manal.

I want to share a recent experience that will be longstanding and will serve as an example of great customer service as well as talking the talk and walking the walk. 

I was recently planning to go through a certification program to learn a powerful formula for positive change. When I received the call that the certification program was cancelled in Florida, and was being scheduled the following month in Kansas City, I let it be known that did not work for me and I was more than disappointed. I requested to speak with the instructor of the program, M.K. Mueller.

M.K. Mueller, gets it! She proceeded to offer to fly me to Kansas City, asked me when I could come, and made arrangements for my stay and transportation. It wasn't until after I arrived and the training started when M.K. began the course by introducing me to the class and stating "The reason we are all here is because of Manal." 

You see M.K. Mueller realized how disappointed I was that the Florida training was being rescheduled, she knew that I had the intention to share this material internationally and timing was important. She came through and was creative enough to put together a mastery training weekend, bringing back certified trainers for a higher level training, which was of great benefit for my certification.

Wow! Do you think I will ever forget that? Do you think I'm going to tell anyone about the great service I received? 

Let me proceed to share with you this powerful process known as 8 to Great. It includes 8 highways. Before I share the highways, let me share the power pyramid. Is power good? The answer is yes! If you think about it, one of the worst feelings is when we feel powerless. If we are at the bottom of the pyramid, we are at 5, meaning we are giving 95% of our power away. Our thoughts are negative (helpless, depressed, hopeless, powerless). If we are at the top of the pyramid we are at 95, which means 95% of our thoughts are positive (joy, gratitude, love, hope, enthusiasm, power). The good news is we can move from 5 to 95 in no time at all by what we choose to think about and focus on. 

What we want to remember is simply: when we feel good, good things happen! Rather than worry and complain, we can think about gratitude. It is not selfish to take care of one's self.

I will share the 8 highways for positive change in future columns. For now, just understand the power pyramid, and the concept of not giving your power away. Your most important job is to take care of yourself.

See you next time at a Moment with Manal with gratitude to M.K. Mueller.

Our most recent session at Fakhoury Leadership International (FLI) was on

Professional Presence- presented by one of my inspirational friends and daughter, Nawal Fakhoury.

As I messaged her last week to tell her that will be the basis of my column, she promptly messaged me back with 7 simple words: “It’s all about how you show up!” “Oh no”, I thought. I just finished showing up at the YMCA steering committee meeting with one tennis shoe on and one tennis shoe in my hand. Yes, I was trying to save a minute to get to the meeting on time. I knew I had broken the professional presence rule.

Now, here is the key and the lesson. When it comes to professional presence, which is a very important topic, the acronym to remember is PIE. Let’s discuss PIE. P is for Performance. This is your elevator pitch, a 30 second speech about yourself. Ultimately, whatever you do is a reflection of yourself. You want to enhance your performance and have a sense of urgency. Don’t shy away from the challenge and realize the importance of your job, whatever it may be. New ideas are welcomed but they need to be relevant.

The I is for Image.

How do people see you? What type of impression are you making? Answer the question, how do you want to be perceived? What do you convey with your energy? What is your promise? What do you want to leave behind? One of the best ways to understand how others perceive you is to ask for feedback.

Ask your close friends how you can enhance your image. You can also think about who you admire and what you would like to emulate and begin to embed those values.

The E is for Exposure.

This is your reputation. Define what you want to be known for. Be careful with this. Are you going to be known as someone who shows up late, who is argumentative, who is critical, or who is soft-spoken, inspirational, etc.? I suggest you take on 2 new behaviors to support your desired reputation. This has to be planned! What can I do, and what will I do specifically? Next, develop relationships with leaders, this gives you great visibility and the opportunity to model behaviors you like. In closing! Remember PIE: Performance, Image, Exposure and this is your professional presence.

See you next time at a Moment with Manal!

Moment with Manal

This is my first column and I’m delighted to share a few thoughts with you

that I consider to be amazing life lessons. Often we are asked if you could

give X number of items that helped you, what would they be (the list)?

There are certainly some basics. The love of learning and investing in your

self, the importance of gratitude, the doing more than is expected of you

principle, etc. Upfront I will share with you to be mindful, that you can learn

from anyone; children learn from adults and adults can learn from children.

I'm always learning wonderful things from my children.

For this first column, I have intentionally selected a topic that I believe is

rarely mentioned, and yet critical. Today I would like to speak to you about

strengthening your Personal Initiative. Success does not come to us by not

acting. We are talking about the importance of being proactive and doing

the little simple things, the extra things.

If you want to be more well regarded, gain more influence and build your

self esteem, advance in your career, it’s important to begin increasing your

personal initiative, not waiting to be asked to do something but taking

action on small everyday items at home and work regularly as part of your

routine. For example, when it comes to the work of mobilizing people, you

begin to see how people separate out. You quickly find the leaders, the gogetters,

and the doers. You appreciate those people and you become

attracted to them. This is an experience I am very familiar with in mobilizing

my community to lobby one day during the legislative session.

Yes, I'm inviting you to step up your game, to be the one that registers first

for an event, the one that makes a handful of calls when asked to serve on

a project, the one that writes the thank you note or encouraging email. All

those small actions are great contributors to setting you apart. It''s that

easy, because most people don't do it yet those that do get noticed.

Along with strengthening your personal initiative is the value of

visualization. Visualizing what you want is a powerful tool for those of us

that have figured it out. A fun memory is when I first met Riadh and I was in

my final year of pharmacy school he encouraged me daily to visualize my

notes in order before an exam. To review them by subheading so I can see

the information in my mind during the exam. It was the single best piece of

advice I received to accelerate my studies.

Recently I had trouble with my iMac; before we went into the Apple store,

Riadh and I visualized a positive outcome, where they would replace the

computer without any charge. Yes, that is exactly what happened at the

store. We walked out with a brand new iMac. I'm inviting you to either

begin or continue to visualize what you want to see happen in your day so

that you are open to receive those items/events throughout the day.

In this short moment, I am encouraging you to visualize what you want to

happen in your day and to commit to increasing your personal initiative.

See you next time at a Moment with Manal.